National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I felt inspired to write about our experience. Not a lot of people know our full story except for family and a few close friends. Jeff and I were married in 2004 and just after our 1 year anniversary we decided to start a family.  Little did we know the road it would take us.  By Feb 2006 we still never had a positive pregnancy test, I decided to go see my doctor. He placed me on Clomid and if you don’t know that is, it makes woman crazy (at least for me it did). He started me on the lowest dose which was 50mg and went all the way up to 250mg. I’m surprised Jeff and I stayed together while I was on it J Every month I had the same symptoms as somebody who would be pregnant, but it never happened. Definitely a rollercoaster each month, plus it made me gain a lot of weight that took years to get off.  By the summer of 2006 to 2007 we did 4 IUI’s which all failed.   Our last hope was IVF which we were not ready to do and decided to take some time off of any treatments and medication.  In 2008 Jeff and I discussed adoption; we prayed about it and felt really good that’s what we were supposed to do. We met with a lawyer and gave him our profile plus some pictures of us to give out to potential birth moms.  In 2009 we also went through LDS Family Services and were with them for 2 years before deciding to take down our profile.  We had a few birth moms look over our profile, but nothing ever came from it.  By this time, I was getting mad and frustrated; I had almost lost all faith. I was jealous of woman who could get pregnant by just saying “it’s time to have another baby.” I had a hard time going to church especially on Mother’s Day.  By April 2013 I decided to go see another doctor and get a full set of blood work done again and ultra sounds to make sure everything was still ok. They confirmed to me my worse fear, the only chance of us having a baby would be IVF. Who has that kind of money lying around, so I searched for grants and financial assistance. I got all the paperwork ready to send in but told Jeff I want him to receive confirmation that this is what we are supposed to do. He went to the temple while I was working came home and told me “this is not the right time.” I was heartbroken, but I trusted him.  November 2013 Jeff received a phone call that our birth mom has our profile plus some others and to keep her in our prayers. The beginning of Dec. he told us it was between us and another family and she would like to meet us. This is the farthest we have ever gotten. The birth mom was due Dec. 28^th with a baby girl.  We met with her, her mom and the birth father.  When we first talked about adoption, I had my mind set that I didn’t want a full open adoption, I was ok with pictures, letters, and maybe yearly visits. Two weeks before Jeff got the call, I kept hearing this voice “you need to do an open adoption, you need to do an open adoption.” I prayed about it and finally said “yes, this is what I want.” Our birth mom asked us if we were ok with an open adoption, I knew that was the reason why I kept hearing that voice.  This was it, of course they had another family to meet (which they never did). At the dinner she asked if it was ok to come look at our house, we set up another meeting for a few days later, that night they told us they will let us know that week. By Thursday night I was at my Planning Commission meeting and text Jeff if he had heard anything. He text back, “yes.” Of course I’m thinking she didn’t pick us, and texted him that. He text me back, “she picked us.” I was almost in tears, but had to hold back until I was done at my meeting.  The next day we were going to go over the adoption agreement but found out she went into labor.  We didn’t have anything for the baby, and we didn’t tell anybody about the adoption. My sister knew because the night we met with our birth mom I was supposed to watch her kids so she could go to her husband’s work party so we had a make other arrangements and we told our bishop. That Saturday we went to Target picked up a stroller and carseat, couple of outfits and pajamas.  She ended up having the baby early in the morning on Sunday. In the state of Utah mom’s have to wait 24 hours before they can relinquish their rights. As hard as it was for us to wait, I can’t even imagine how hard it was for her.  Monday Dec. 23^rd, Jeff and I became parents to a baby girl. Our birth mom named her and we absolutely love the name and it fits her.   Even though we have gone through ups and downs, heartache after heartache, I wouldn’t change it for the world. The Lord had his hand in this whole process, he helped me to realize how great an open adoption can be, I’ve realized not everything turns out the way you want it to. I’m so grateful to have this little girl in my life, I couldn’t imagine life without her and I can’t remember what it was like with Jeff and I.